Here it comes again, this horrible sensation of falling into the emptiness, of being in a place but like an empty body without a soul. This sensation of desiring to be the only one person on the planet, of blame, even though I haven't done anything wrong. On this days I really wish that I had an auto destroy button, that spilled all these empty-body pieces on the space and then I wouldn't have to feel this way again. Nevertheless, the only button that I have it's all the triggers around me that make me feel this stupid and nonsensical way. When is it going to end? My med is not working anymore, my mind isn't either, nor my heart. Now I have EVERYTHING I wanted before, but I still feel empty. There's no sense for me in this world, nothing is real, everything has an end, starting with life itself, which means that all my actual worries are just a waste of time because I am going to die anyway. I don't know how to stop feeling this way, I WANT to feel full of something, not temporary, but yes I know that everyone has its own problems. I know that my problems aren't bigger that some people's problems, and according to several people I was lucky to be born...
I didn't ask that though but well, if my adoptive mother knew how I feel, and she loved me only a little... she would feel bad for helping the woman who had me to have me, in my case... abortion would have been the better option available, but as some stupid people feel culprit in front of a NONEXISTENT "God" I was condemned to this hell, which doesn't have fire, or a demon, because the fire are my own thoughts and the devil is me. :/
Yeah, I was totally depressed as a teenager once and had small traces of it even after graduating college. How I was able to get out of it is that I willed myself to keep pushing. If you examine yourself closely, then you'll find that you still have areas that you can work on or feel so far out of reach. Therefore, your journey doesn't end with where you are at right now.
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