All I say about not ending it right now are lies.
I want to live, there is nobody stopping me,
Everyone has their own life to deal with
Nobody is telling me to stop
I am
Because I want to live
But don't know how to
How do I take out the loneliness
How do I have goals in a world that is black and white
These people that go around with a shiny smile in their face,
Cheering everyone around them, so easy,
They have goals and are happy
How do they do it?
Nobody can explain how, or what makes them happy
They just are
I don't have a reason to be, I have momentary moments of happiness
And daily waves of sadness
I feel dead inside and makes no sense
I am alive
But can't live
I have this shield
I act tough, but I am soft
But nobody can break in
I don't expect them to understand me
I don't understand myself and my brain had to be wired a different way
But I am not alone,
and I know me and all other people who feel like me, we can beat it.
I can do this, I cannot go back to being innocent and pure, nobody really can
I can't go back to being sweet and loving the way I did before
I am stronger now and will learn to do that wisely, but not with my shield
I don't want someone to find me dead in my room with a bottle of pills in my hand
I don't want someone to find me dead with a bullet in my brain
Suicide is no joke, it hurts people, though I am hurt,
but because I am hurt, I don't want anyone else to feel like me
I can do this
I will find a way out,
and in that path I will recover the enjoyment for life
I will love my friends and family and every second I will find it worth living
I will love my job, there will be no need to change situations hoping to find happiness out of me when I should fix what's wrong inside so I can enjoy it outside, I can do this.
