There are a few certain things that I can't enjoy while being depressed, and obviously wouldn't enjoy if I were dead.
I wouldn't enjoy listening to some good music or meeting new people which surprisingly have things in common with me. I wouldn't have the opportunity to find people who still do good things, even if there is a lot that goes wrong and these people could become bad at any moment. I wouldn't enjoy being appreciated by someone who looks at me as if I was a treasure. Or accepting that there's a way of getting away from the cliff and not jumping.
There are certain decisions that I had to make to get here, finding help it's the start of everything. I am not particularly open to getting help. However, I must accept that without help I wouldn't be here writing this. I know me and I am conscious that I can go from being good to be depressed at any moment, but I am really fed up of depending on pills to be okay, I am not sick, it's my mind which it's sick and I can fix it and heal.
And in the end, there are also certain things I can do to NOT depend on pills. It makes me nervous just to think about getting out of my comfort zone, accepting help from others and accepting myself without judging me for every single thing I do wrong. OR others.
From now on, I'll work on these certain things to reach a point in my life where I've never been, I'll be alive again and I'll be able to say: I did it, it was hard, I fail a lot of times while trying, but I did it and now I still working to not fall again.
I can feel your pain. It's extremely difficult while being under depression. I was a depressed teenager while going through puberty. I heard voices accusing me of being gay lol and was like the worst and felt suicidal but I put up a fight. I'm still straight lol so that's what matters. I took some pills also. I remember Prozac and possibly risperdal for a few months and all the schizophrenic voices cleared up instantaneously after taking one on the first or second week. It was such a depressing and delightful moment to me at the same time. I felt like I had no personality from a long term extreme anti-social behavior that was painful to me. It was like my soul was crying for me to reach out to others and I did that by asking for help from my mom. Then, a caring pro helped me get on the right track. I'm blessed that I recovered in only like three months but the after effects, man it's hard too but worth the journey. Hope you find your cure to depression. It's a really tough one and I'm so lucky to have pulled through and break out of my shell to become a happy extrovert.
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