Life, or God, works in mysterious ways.
I never thought or even imagined that I would be living the situation I am right now even though one day I desired it.
I finally found a real loving relationship which took me some months to assimulate after so much abuse, cheating and me deciding that men werent shit. I couldn't be touched by my Significant other without thinking he wanted to sexually assault me, I couldnt be hugged without cringing and I couldn't be intimate without remembering my past experiences. Nowadays I still do it, but I stopped hiding in my anger and started being vulnerable. I still think my boyfriend is going to leave me for another goal oriented fulfilled sexier woman, and it is a work in process to get it out of my mind. This man always puts me first and not only says that he loves me, he shows it.
So what is the problem?
He enlisted in the military,
I never imagined I would be able to be away from somebody for 3 months without dumping him. I never have put a man before work or have traveled away just to see anyone graduate.
I have never put money after love. Not until I met him. But it feels like someone is taking my heart and making it smaller every time I come home and hes not here with me. I wish I could have those hugs I took for granted, I wish I could kiss him, I wish we could just lay down in bed and do nothing. But who knows when we will be able to do those simple things again without having to say good bye next day for 6 months or who knows how long.
I feel like all this is happening because God is testing my patience. I have always blamed him for every single bad thing that has happen to me, I have been ungrateful and I could not see the positive things in my life. My partner isnt the reason of my happiness but he is one of the good things I have in my life. I love this man and all I want for him is not to be unhappy when he wakes up thinking he has to go work at his shitty job that he hates, so I am willing to put my patience for 4 years and however long he decides to be there, and if one day he decides this is over then I will move on. But now all I wish I had is that man next to me.
I want to lift myself up and build the best version of me so not only he reaches his potential but also me so we can have a fullfilling relationship, and I will when I take this weight away from me and learn to live with the pain of the distance between us which at the moment is creating a hole in my heart that aches.
I would have to say that believing in God is more based on our comfort level with the amount of faith we can put in Him. We could go back and forth arguing about each other's views on God, but in the end it would be pointless without really having the Man upstairs come down to tell us Himself how things are ran. lol
ReplyDeleteHaving a significant other in the Army can be really stressful from having to deal with the separation or PTSD so the divorce rate among members of the armed forces is higher than the national average. Good luck to you!